Real Life Love Stories
Your relationship should be a Safe haven, not a battlefield.
Why do we often end up being in such toxic relationships, struggle and think it’s normal?
This is why I teach my clients to have a long-term vision of their relationship when they are looking to find their life partner. It is important to identify from the beginning how you want your partner to show up for you and how you want to be taken care of through the good and the bad times especially in long term committed relationships.
This is a typical example of what I hear regularly from my clients when I ask them to identify their mistakes in their failed relationship.
***please note the name will stay anonymous to protect my client’s privacy**
What do you think were your mistakes or that you kept doing wrong in your failed relationships?
“I wasn’t aware that I was changing to keep my partner happy and keep our relationship alive. I thought once you get married, you do everything you can to make it work and it will work. I was determined to “be a good wife”. I came to the realization that it wasn’t working. I learned more about my tendencies of accommodating the other at my own expense for the sake of the relationship.
Looking back, I realize there were red flags along the way I didn’t pay attention to. I thought I was overthinking things and making them something out of nothing. Our mind has a way of blind-sighting our intuition with justification for everything. I swept it under the rug not listening to my intuition. I now realize they were telling signs. Over the years, they added up until I could no longer live pretending everything was “perfect” in our relationship.
We have to learn to stand true to who we are and be accepted for it. There is a big difference between doing healthy compromises and forgetting who we are in the relationship to accommodate our partner.
What do feel you need to work on to succeed in your next relationship?
I now know that I need to stay true to myself. I need to make sure I express myself regardless of how uncomfortable it may make my partner feel. I need to be able to talk without feeling that I’m walking on eggshells or need to curate everything I say not to upset my partner. There’s this saying I heard from an interview with Witney Huston who’s lesson she imparted on the viewers is “don’t dim your light to make the other feel comfortable”. I did it for years, until I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore. I wasn’t happy. If you can’t deal with my light, we’re not meant to be together.
Remember to be who you are. You deserve to be loved for all of it.
This will set you up for success on how you will grow and evolve together as a couple when you ride the trials & tribulations of this thing called life!
